Ryota Igarashi came here as an unknown, so this one might be a little rough, but I’m going by the relatively poor performances he’s been racking up since coming back from the DL with a hamstring injury. In 6.2 innings before his injury, he had only given up 1 run, but has since surrendered 12 runs in 4 innings pitched after returning. Let’s add 11 hits and 5 walks to that, stir it all up, and enjoy a big heaping bowl of disappointment. He’s only appeared in 2 games this past week, but those two games saw 4 walks, 5 hits and 7 earned runs in 1.1 innings pitched. Not good. He just hasn’t looked right since the injury, which is a shame for a couple of reasons. First, you obviously want all of your bullpen arms to be as effective as possible. Second, it makes it that much harder to justify sending Jenrry Mejia down to the minors to get stretched out as a starter, something I very much want to happen already. Iggy’s a fun nickname, but it’s anything but fun watching this guy pitch right now, and for that he’s my Dog House Resident of the Week.

John Maine is very close to being in this space for being a “habitual liar,” and for struggling to accept the fact that he was put on the disabled list like a total baby, but Oliver f*$^ing Perez is a total waste of a roster spot right now. He did pitch in the last week, so I guess I should technically give some numbers. He pitched .2 innings, and gave up no hits and 2 walks. .2 innings does not a sample make obviously, but his refusal to go to the minor leagues after being a completely ineffective starter is incredibly selfish. This is even more offensive when, as you sit in your cubicle or office this Monday morning, you picture Ollie f&$*ing Perez waking up and remembering that he’s a millionaire. He’s got a 5.94 ERA as a starter, with 28 walks in 33.1 innings. And he’s making $12 million this year. What are you making again? I know what I’m making, and it’s not $12 million. The guy’s a sunk cost already, and it’s even worse that he wouldn’t just be a team player and go to Buffalo to straighten himself out. What a tool.

Oliver f&$*ing Perez is my Dog-House Resident of the Week.

Before you question this choice and ask me if I’ve even been watching Oliver Perez pitch his last 2 starts, hear me out. First of all, you don’t watch Oliver Perez pitch. You merely sit back and tolerate the pain as best you could. Second of all, though he’s still owed about $20 million dollars, he’s a person you can send down to AAA Buffalo, and only kills the team, at worst, every 5 days. Jerry Manuel, on the other hand, is someone you could fire, yes, but I doubt it happens any time soon. Maybe I’m wrong, but he’s a guy who I have a feeling will do just enough to stay here until the year’s over. And he’s killing the bullpen, slowly but surely. Guys like Fernando Nieve were doing a great job to start the year. That is, until he amassed more appearances than there were games, and that’s impossible. The bullpen is starting to spring a leak, and while short starts by the starting staff aren’t helping, Skip surely isn’t either.

Then there’s the curious case of Jose Reyes, who I never want to see hitting 3rd again. In the 3-hole, he hit .207. He started to pop everything up. He couldn’t put down a sacrifice bunt. Twice. Which yes, is something he has to be able to do, but it’s also something a 3rd hitter should not be asked to do. Twice. If Jerry didn’t have any faith in his 3rd hitter getting a base hit, maybe that guy shouldn’t be batting 3rd. Leading off, Reyes is hitting .242. Not much better as a whole, but understand that he started off slow when he first came back. It’s such a tiny sample, but since being put back in the 1-hole, he’s looked more comfortable and spry. You know, like Jose Reyes. Manuel taking this long to realize he wasn’t going to work hitting 3rd is completely lost on me.

Then there’s this little gem, as quoted by the Post:

I don’t think we’re in as big a trouble as it seems we are… I think we’re better than what we’ve been seeing.

Are they this bad? No. Are they in trouble? Absolutely. Take a look at the upcoming schedule, Jerry, and tell me that series’ against the Yankees and Phillies aren’t looking bad considering the way your team is playing right now. Obviously, the next 2 weeks don’t a season kill, but they certainly can help put the team in a tailspin.

Jerry Manuel, who looks as if he’s managing to save his job, and not to win with a talented baseball team, is my Dog House Resident of the Week.

It’s basically a tale of two pitchers. Originally a couple of “throw-ins,” one looks like he’s on his way back to relative normalcy, the other continuing to do nothing but struggle.

John Maine, a guy who is by no means a world beater, is also a guy that the Mets needed to stabilize himself after missing so much time to injury. He posted an 8.64 ERA after his first four starts, with 16 runs and 10 walks in 16.2 IP. He had lost the life and velocity on his fastball and everybody was starting to think that he was on his way to being finished. Then, his last two starts happened. Were they dominant? Not at all. Were they a bit gutsy and a lot hope-inspiring? Yes. His last two starts saw him giving up 3 earned runs in 12 innings pitched, with 15 strikeouts and 5 walks. He’s not exactly Cy Young out there, but those last two starts make you hope that he’s on his way back.

Listen, he’ll never be an innings eater - he went 6 innings both of those starts - but as long as he gives the team a chance to win, I can live with what Maine gives the team. Ideally, I still believe he’s a bullpen guy, but the team clearly isn’t inundated with quality starting pitching, so to keep him in his role is to keep hoping he can give you what he has the last couple of starts. For that improvement, he’s my Man-Crush of the Week.

Honorable Man-Crush mentions: Rod Barajas continues to be clutch, Mike Pelfrey bounces back nicely, and Henry Blanco hits the Mets second walkoff homer in as many nights.

Speaking of garbage starting pitching (oh, did I not actually mention garbage?), Oliver Perez. I - and many other Mets fans - have been calling for Perez’s contract to be eaten since last year, and he’s still here, doing nothing but—

Oh, what’s that? He walked someone else just now?

For anybody who took their mom out to Citi Field to watch the game for Mother’s Day, good for you! Also, you better make up for that with a nice dinner or something, because she hated watching this guy watch 7 batters in 3.1 innings, and let’s be honest - so did you. That the Mets even had a chance to win the game at the end was an utter miracle after that disaster. Watching Oliver pitch is like watching a car wreck in slow motion. The Giants could’ve just left their bats in the dugout, because all they had to do was stand there while Ollie struggled against the wind, and against his own footing, as he wasn’t anywhere close to the zone.

Ollie’s previous start was one that gave me zero hope, even if it was a “quality start.” That game, he went 6 innings and gave up only 2 runs and 4 walks, which for him is excellent. It gave me zero hope because from game to game, and inning to inning, Perez has shown anything but consistency. Can management just get over the fact that Perez simply isn’t a good pitcher, and that he will never, ever, ever… match that great 200+ K season he had with the Pirates. Ever. Forget Resident. He’s the damn Dog House Landlord.

Other people belong in the House with him, including David “Strikeout” Wright, Jason Bay, who’s allergic to RBI, Bengie Molina, who needs a Wahmbulance, and Jerry Manuel, who’s bullpen will have to throw with their opposite arm when their throwing arms fall off by Independence Day.

Yeah, yeah, a little abstract. Then again, so was Man-Crush in a way. Gary Matthews Jr., and yes, even Johan Santana make sense. Matthews Jr. is a guy who gives you absolutely nothing, and Johan, no matter how “off” he might feel, is the ace. When he gets two separate 3-run leads, he has to protect them, no excuses. Despite all that, I didn’t get the sense that any one player was dragging the team down in any way. So instead of picking a player to don the goat horns, I’m going to turn the tables on myself, and anybody who felt the way I did, for our hubris following Friday night’s game in Philadelphia.

Did you think it was going to be this easy? At the time, the Mets had won 8 in a row and opened up a modest 1.5 game lead on the Phillies in the NL East. I told a buddy of mine that night, who’s a Yankees fan, that I felt so good about the Mets that I said “Bring on [Roy] Halladay.” Of course, he rolled his eyes, having watched Roy for all those years in Toronto, and I pushed the issue by saying that the team felt so good that they can grind out a couple of runs and let Pelfrey take them the rest of the way.

Oops.

But hey, that was Roy Halladay, arguably the best pitcher in the game. Surely, a Sunday night matchup between Santana and Jamie Moyer has to be an easy advantage for the Mets, who should easily take 2 out of 3 before heading over to Cincinatti.

Oops.

So what happened? I mentioned in the Hot Foot Bleachers on Saturday that I’d still like to see what the Mets would do when they faced adversity. The only deficit during the streak that anybody in the chat was able to remember was of 1-run against the Braves, which Ike Davis quickly eliminated. I brought up the question of how the Mets would react to getting punched in the face. Apparently, it wasn’t well. I’m still going to excuse the game against Halladay, because nobody was going to come back on him after being down even 6-0, let alone the way it ended up. However, when Johan got smacked around in the 4th last night, the team answered with? A walk, and nothing else.

For the Mets to really take that next step, they need to be able to answer back when they get hit hard, and show that they have some fight in them. Otherwise, they’ll be called bullies, who hide behind occasional lights-out starts and “pile-on” hitting. And we’ll all, once again, be fooled into thinking that the Mets are a true force of the National League. For now, it’s just overconfidence, and I can accept that I’ll be sleeping in the Dog House tonight.