Joe Petruccio, maker of those awesome daily Mets-related drawings, created the above t-shirt that I’m 100% confident we now all want. Click through the photo to buy one for yourself.

Looking ahead to the offseason, I have totaled up the numbers of the contracts for players that are on the books for next season. The most interesting part of it is the fact that it only takes seven players for the Mets to exceed the $100 million mark.

Johan Santana: $22.5 million

Carlos Beltran: $18.5 million

Jason Bay: $16 million

David Wright: $14 million

Oliver Perez: $12 million

Francisco Rodriguez: $11.5 million

Luis Castillo: $6 million

The Mets total payroll for 2010 was only about $126 million!

Not only is this a starting point for the offseason, but the Mets still have to figure out what to do with four key players in Jose Reyes ($11 million club option, $500,000 buyout), Pedro Feliciano (FA), Angel Pagan (Arb. Eligible), and Mike Pelfrey (Arb. Eligible).

Whether it be Omar Minaya or a new general manager, they are going to have the huge task of finding ways to remove some of these high-priced veteran players that should not be on the team (Perez, Castillo, etc).

The Mets can choose to non-tender Jeff Francoeur, as he earned $5 million in 2010 in arbitration and will again be arbitration eligible this year. John Maine’s $3.3 million will almost certainly be off the books next season as well. The Mets also still owe $1 million to Gary Matthews Jr. in 2011.

It’s quite simple. The Mets have their work cut out for them this offseason. Fans are demanding changes and something will need to be done.

The Good

Why is it that “The Good” is becoming harder and harder to write? Could it be because of the up and down nature of the team? Could it be because the valleys are much deeper than the peaks are tall? Whatever the case may be, there is at least a teaspoon of good in this cup of awful. Exhibit A: RA Dickey. Robert Allen started a game last week, and Robert Allen was once again, effective. 8.1 IP, only 4 hits, and 0 runs. When do we, as a collective fanbase, start expecting great outings of him every time out? I think I’m already there. Can you say “5th starter in 2011?” It might soon be time to ask that question.

When David Wright is hot, he is red hot. We’re looking at, in 22 plate appearances, 8 hits, a double, 2 homers, 9 RBI, and 4 walks. It’s a little tough to go too crazy when his defense, especially yesterday, continues to frustrate. Still, David has the ability to carry a team on his back when he gets on tears like this. It’s just unfortunate that, right now, it’s not translating to more wins.

The Bad

The Diamondbacks are awful. Aaron Heilman is their closer. Aaron. Heilman. They’re in last place in the National League West. And they own the Mets. The Mets continue to lose against the awful teams, which confuses me to no end. They play incredibly solid baseball against the St. Louis Cardinals, and could’ve swept them (more on that later), only to come out flat and with zero pride against the Diamondbacks. They exacted no revenge for the embarrassment that was the Mets’ trip over to Arizona by letting that terrible team come to Citi Field and do nothing but spank them all over the field. How the Mets eked out a win on Saturday night was, frankly, a surprise to me. Any goodwill they could’ve gained from the Cardinals series was destroyed and more over the weekend.

The Ugly

This is a pivotal week in the Mets’ season. With back to back series’ against the Atlanta Braves and the Philadelphia Phillies, this is when the Mets either put themselves back in the race, or get buried so deep in the standings that climbing back up will be very unlikely. Some might say that they have to win in spite of Jerry Manuel, who thought it was a good idea to leave Pedro Feliciano in as long as he did in Wednesday’s extra inning loss to the Cards. He also thought it was a good idea to let Pedro pitch to Albert Pujols. Nicely managed, skip.

Also, Oliver Perez is still on the team. I needn’t say anything else on the matter.

The fact that it’s Memorial Day added to the fact that my Internet has been a total dog today will mean that I’m going to make this a quick one, so let’s get to it.

Jose Reyes is the spark plug. He’s the firecracker. He’s the fuel. He’s an unlimited amount of clichéd adjectives used to make a simple point: as Reyes goes, so do the Mets. The most important thing you need to know about him is that in the last week, Reyes is hitting an even .500, with a homer, 3 doubles, a triple, and 7 RBI. It’s clear that when he first came back, he didn’t have his legs under him right away. Now that he does, here’s hoping we don’t have to hear any more awful trade talk concerning him for awhile. Jose Reyes is my Man Crush of the Week.

The Mets have what I’m calling “dead roster spots.” 2 of them, to be exact. Oliver Perez is terrible, selfish, and flat-out stupid for thinking that he’s doing himself any good for sitting in the bullpen yawning away day after day, instead of getting himself right. I never, ever want to see him play for the Mets again, and I could only hope that brass realizes he’s a sunk cost already. Gary Matthews Jr. adds absolutely nothing to the team, and maybe the Mets should realize the Angels were so willing to depart with him for a reason. He’s hitting .179 on the year. .179! This must be some kind of joke, except it’s not. It’s a cruel, cruel punishment that we have to watch him strike out with the bases loaded and 2 outs. It’s a cruel punishment that we have to hear that Jesus Feliciano is tearing it up in AAA, yet is not with the big club because of some kind of ridiculous love affair with Matthews Jr. He and Oliver Perez need to go, so that those 2 spots can be filled with, you know. baseball players. Dead Roster Spots are my Dog House Resident of the Week.

I want this clown off my team. How about you?

John Maine is very close to being in this space for being a “habitual liar,” and for struggling to accept the fact that he was put on the disabled list like a total baby, but Oliver f*$^ing Perez is a total waste of a roster spot right now. He did pitch in the last week, so I guess I should technically give some numbers. He pitched .2 innings, and gave up no hits and 2 walks. .2 innings does not a sample make obviously, but his refusal to go to the minor leagues after being a completely ineffective starter is incredibly selfish. This is even more offensive when, as you sit in your cubicle or office this Monday morning, you picture Ollie f&$*ing Perez waking up and remembering that he’s a millionaire. He’s got a 5.94 ERA as a starter, with 28 walks in 33.1 innings. And he’s making $12 million this year. What are you making again? I know what I’m making, and it’s not $12 million. The guy’s a sunk cost already, and it’s even worse that he wouldn’t just be a team player and go to Buffalo to straighten himself out. What a tool.

Oliver f&$*ing Perez is my Dog-House Resident of the Week.

It’s basically a tale of two pitchers. Originally a couple of “throw-ins,” one looks like he’s on his way back to relative normalcy, the other continuing to do nothing but struggle.

John Maine, a guy who is by no means a world beater, is also a guy that the Mets needed to stabilize himself after missing so much time to injury. He posted an 8.64 ERA after his first four starts, with 16 runs and 10 walks in 16.2 IP. He had lost the life and velocity on his fastball and everybody was starting to think that he was on his way to being finished. Then, his last two starts happened. Were they dominant? Not at all. Were they a bit gutsy and a lot hope-inspiring? Yes. His last two starts saw him giving up 3 earned runs in 12 innings pitched, with 15 strikeouts and 5 walks. He’s not exactly Cy Young out there, but those last two starts make you hope that he’s on his way back.

Listen, he’ll never be an innings eater - he went 6 innings both of those starts - but as long as he gives the team a chance to win, I can live with what Maine gives the team. Ideally, I still believe he’s a bullpen guy, but the team clearly isn’t inundated with quality starting pitching, so to keep him in his role is to keep hoping he can give you what he has the last couple of starts. For that improvement, he’s my Man-Crush of the Week.

Honorable Man-Crush mentions: Rod Barajas continues to be clutch, Mike Pelfrey bounces back nicely, and Henry Blanco hits the Mets second walkoff homer in as many nights.

Speaking of garbage starting pitching (oh, did I not actually mention garbage?), Oliver Perez. I - and many other Mets fans - have been calling for Perez’s contract to be eaten since last year, and he’s still here, doing nothing but—

Oh, what’s that? He walked someone else just now?

For anybody who took their mom out to Citi Field to watch the game for Mother’s Day, good for you! Also, you better make up for that with a nice dinner or something, because she hated watching this guy watch 7 batters in 3.1 innings, and let’s be honest - so did you. That the Mets even had a chance to win the game at the end was an utter miracle after that disaster. Watching Oliver pitch is like watching a car wreck in slow motion. The Giants could’ve just left their bats in the dugout, because all they had to do was stand there while Ollie struggled against the wind, and against his own footing, as he wasn’t anywhere close to the zone.

Ollie’s previous start was one that gave me zero hope, even if it was a “quality start.” That game, he went 6 innings and gave up only 2 runs and 4 walks, which for him is excellent. It gave me zero hope because from game to game, and inning to inning, Perez has shown anything but consistency. Can management just get over the fact that Perez simply isn’t a good pitcher, and that he will never, ever, ever… match that great 200+ K season he had with the Pirates. Ever. Forget Resident. He’s the damn Dog House Landlord.

Other people belong in the House with him, including David “Strikeout” Wright, Jason Bay, who’s allergic to RBI, Bengie Molina, who needs a Wahmbulance, and Jerry Manuel, who’s bullpen will have to throw with their opposite arm when their throwing arms fall off by Independence Day.